Ep. 3, Joyride to Egypt: Seeking Wife to be Love & Friend

I was sitting inside the double door on the left

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Something blocked the sunlight streaming into the doorway, and I quickly glanced to see what had happened. Silhouetted in the doorway was the frame of a man not wearing a long shirtdress like the man who had earlier offered me the cup of mint tea. This was a well dressed man in a suit jacket and slacks, a professional gentleman with exquisite manners, eyes of a hawk, and the joyful smile of a very happy boy. Everytime I looked at him, I saw something else I liked. His fingers were smooth, with nails carefully trimmed, hands strong as steel, but he caught my hand gently in his as I stood to greet this interesting stranger I had just married the day before.

He asked me to please bring the children and come with him to oversee the work being done to the second story of the house, as he liked my approval of his plans. I liked the sound of his voice so much, I could have followed him to the end of the earth if he asked. His heavily accented english was so suave, so french, so rich dark chocolate delicious, I was completely attentive to his every word, like hearing the most beautiful love poem being recited for the very first time.

Walking around to the side of the house, we passed a narrow cornfield and entered the wide doorway of the three story chicken farm. Chicken hotel may be a better name for it. It was a well built commercial style building of brick, concrete and steel, with a concrete staircase leading up to each floor, and up to the roof as well. We climbed the four flights to the roof and sat in the shade of date palm trees, surveying the beautiful countryside of Egypt.



My children were wide eyed with a mixture of terror and excitement as they peered over the edge of the roof to the earth far below. I tried to hide my anxiety for their safety, but my own fear of heights wouldn't allow me to join them near the edge. I sat down nonchalantly, but Mohamed took it all in and came up with a perfect answer. He suggested we descend one level and relax in his apartment on the third floor, where we could sit on the balcony and watch the work from there. "Yes, Sir! Thank you, I would like that very much," I replied with manners I reserved for addressing Captains and Admirals and Secretaries of Defense. You never know which job skill you learned yesterday will come in handy today!

Leaving us comfortably seated in safety on the balcony of the apartment, my new Husband in Chief left to resume command of our dream home's reconstruction on the second floor of his family home. I was happy for the chance to relax, and was even more happy when my children fell asleep together on the couch. Sitting in a comfortable chair on the balcony, I leaned back and closed my eyes. Then I hit, "Replay," my favorite button on the internal memory card in my brain...

I wasn't lost - I was here:

It was 1999. A wonderful time to be alive - anything you could imagine learning about was magically available on the internet, just waiting to be searched for! The PC was barely ten years old, but knowledge was already bursting at the seams of cyberspace, thanks to the unsung heroes of thousands of message boards and lists residing on monster networks of mainframe computer systems operated by universities and government institutions. And, now that we all had Mac's or PC's, the World Wide Web was way open for business!

I had been learning about Islam for about two years, after my marriage fell apart and I put my life under the microscope to figure out what went wrong. There was no relationship between the microscope and Islam, it was just a coincidence that I happened to make friends with a muslim girl living in Kosovo early in 1998. I 'met' her in a chat room on excite.com and we began emailing each other, sharing stories of our lives. She was engaged to a man in Algeria, but neither could travel due to the political instability in both of their countries. I was suffering from a nuclear meltdown in my marriage. She asked me what went wrong, and I spent months putting it all under the microscope with her. She offered me advice so practical and clear and then she explained that her advice came from Islam. I was intrigued and so began my gentle transformation into a muslim. The more I learned, the more intrigued I became. I became serious about becoming Muslim. The deal was clinched when I read this article online in early May of '99:

To the Prospective Muslim Husband: What is a Wife?
By Shaykh Abdullah Adhami [Source: Madrasa In'aamiyyah]

By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.

She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you;

When you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for a moment she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
...Click Here to read the full article

My divorce was finalized three months prior, and I had been husband-free for more than two years. I enjoy being a wife, and I missed having a husband. I didn't miss my ex... but I missed being married, I missed being someone's best friend. But next time, I had told myself after my sessions with the microscope, I want my husband to be my best friend, too! When I read that article, I wanted that husband. More than that, I wanted to be that wife! I felt sure if I became that woman, then I would get that husband! I became solidly muslim that evening, praying to Allah to make me that wife and to give me exactly that husband.

Click image for source

A few weeks went by and I went about my business of work and busy single motherhood. Checking my email late one night, I noticed that little box off to the right. You know the one, "Are you a ___________ looking for a _________?" And you fill in the blanks and hunt for your Prince Charming, right? Well, I never noticed that box being there before, but now it seemed like a pretty good idea! The only problem was that when the details of Prince Charming were offered for clicking on, there were no choices that matched my prince. White, Black, Latino, Asian, Native Indian, or Other. Okay... Other. Christian, Jewish, Hindu, Buddist, Atheist, or Other. Okay... Other. Country of Origin: Everywhere except countries in the Middle East... You get the picture... Other.

I figured out already in the past few weeks that I probably wasn't going to meet that incredibly kind and understanding man in the article at my local library or grocery store. But I never imagined that the Internet had built in barriers protecting Western Womankind from meeting Middle Eastern Prince Charmings. In my ignorance, I just assumed they were stupid, and I hit Enter after selecting everything "Other."

Then I clicked next next next next next like a clattering ball on the spinning roulette wheel of love. Page after page of "Other"-this and "Other"-that, but never "Other"-what I'm looking for. UntiI I clicked next one more time, and the page displayed this:

	EXITE Classifieds & Auctions_________________________[Search Ads]
	[Email this ad to a friend]__________________[prev/back to list/next]
Title:	"Seeking Wife to be friend&love, 45 years old, 5' 10" tall
Photo:
Interest:	Male Seeking Female
Relationship:	Long-term
Body Type:	Average
Religion:	Islamic
Education:	College Degree
Has Children?	Prefer Not To Say
Wants Children?	Prefer Not To Say
Smokes?	Doesn't smoke
Drinks?	Doesn't drink
Description:	Canadian Muslim business man, USA Green card holder, 45+ years, but younger looking, non smoker non drinker, strong healthy body, honest, romantic, courageous, emotionally stable, kind, caring, loyal, upright, respectable, sensitive, professional, financial secure, divorced with no dependent kids., reading, computer, shopping, fishing, gardening, natural, listen to music, song and see movies. Looking for big love and seeking good looking wife, not older than 43 years, interested to stop working, retire and relax with me, healthy, slim, not shorter than 5' 4", clean, non smoker non drinker, honest, romantic, down to earth, easy going, happy, caring, understanding, Muslim or at least believe in God and interested to know about Islam, my duty in front of God just explain to her, must be willing to love her husband fully, childless or doesn't need to have kids anymore, English speaking any nationality, and interested to live with me in Egypt because of my business as long as I love her, care of her, and save for her suitable wealthy comfortable happy easy life
Contact Info:	[Send Message]
Location:	Vancouver, British Columbia
Post Date:	26-APR-99
	Think a friend might be interested in this ad? Send a copy!
	prev/back to list/next

I couldn't believe my eyes, so I went back and read it again. And again, and again! OMG - was it him? I emailed myself a copy of the ad and turned off my computer as fast as I could shut it down. I was scared to death! What should I do? I turned off the smooth jazz cd, blew out the candles in the living room of my condo, peeped quietly in my children's rooms to be sure they were still sound asleep, then buried myself under the covers of my bed. I didn't sleep, but I did pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. I tossed and turned all night, trying to figure out what I should do next.... ...O.M.G. I think it might be "him!"

...O.M.G. I think he might be looking for me!!

;^)

Ep. 2, Joyride To Egypt: Breaking The News To My Father

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As I sat in the darkened room, I mentally composed the next email I would have to send back home to all my family and friends. It was going to shock them all really dramatically, considering all the lies I told them before leaving, and I was so tickled by this thought that I laughed out loud. The sudden noise must have startled the chickens in the room beyond me and they started up another loud round of cackling. I heard my children echoing my laughter as they cracked up from all the funny sights and sounds around them in the 'chicken room' where they were still playing.

It was impossible to compose my next bombshell of an email with all the racket of children and chickens, so instead I turned my memory back to the email I had sent to my father before leaving for Egypt. I had tried to lie to him as little as possible... all of it was true except for the pesky little part about reserving judgement about marrying Mohamed. I fully intended to marry him within hours of my arrival, and the clergyman was booked already for the ceremony! I just didn't have the heart to tell Dad, or anybody else, for that matter, the whole crazy insane, deliriously exciting truth. This had been the best I could manage, under the circumstances:

From: k_aisha@hotmail.com

To: dad@pacbell.net

Subject: I'm not lost!

Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 22:29:37

Hi!!! Thought I was lost in cyberspace, eh? Well, I was/still am... but I think I'll go check out the guy on the other end of the line in another week... I know you heard a bit about this already from the rumor mill, but here's the official version: I'm taking the kids to Egypt on Tuesday, July 27, and we're returning back home on August 10! Here's the actual itinerary just for good measure: Lv 7/27 from Newark, NJ, 8:30 pm, British Airways flight 184H Ar 7/28 into London Heathrow at 8:30 am Lv 7/28 from London Heathrow at 4:45 pm, British Airways flight 155H Ar 7/28 into Cairo, Egypt at 11:35 pm We come home after two weeks, can you believe it?! Lv 8/10 from Cairo, Egypt at 8:45 am, British Airways flight 154H Ar 8/10 into London Heathrow at 12:00 noon Lv 8/10 from London Heathrow at 3:05 pm, British Airways flight 185H Ar 8/10 into Newark, NJ at 5:55 pm We plan to drive up to Mom's house the day before the flight out, and we'll stop there on our way home, too - it saves us almost $1000 to fly out of Newark, and we get a little visit with Mom, too. We plan to be in a hotel on the beach in Alexandria, Egypt, for the first few days, and then I expect to be at the home of: Mohamed Abdel Hamid [Address and phone number removed for privacy] He's very sweet, 46, a retired Egyptian High School Principal, gentleman farmer (chickens!) With a home on the farm property that he's currently remodeling, and also has a 4 bedroom apartment in a nearby city. He is also a Canadian citizen and lately became an immigrant from Canada to the U.S. after receivng his green card. However, he's back in Egypt now after inheriting the family estate in the countryside and that's why he's retired at 46. He has been single for three years, and has 4 children. The oldest son is a surgeon at the City Center Hospital, his daughter is a chemistry teacher at a local High School, and of the two other sons, one is a lawyer living in Canada and the other is still at a University in Egypt, studying Business Admin. Mohamed has asked me to marry him, maybe you heard about that, too... I'm reserving judgement on that subject! I can't tell you if I'll have good news or bad, but I think the kids and I are going to have an excellent time for two weeks living like Egyptians and checking out all the sights! By the way, I did not allow him to pay for our transportation... I don't want that kind of favor to create any obligation... but he offers us every hospitality while we are there and that was something I agreed to. I have three return tickets, so I feel covered and I'll just save all the other decisions for later, when we get there and have time to check it all out and see if it matches up... It's all very interesting, not to mention that he is verrry romantic and sweet, and (hahaha naturally, since I wouldn't be writing to him if he didn't...) he professes undying love for me! Well, on the one hand, I'm very hopeful, of course, but on the other hand, I'm carting around a grain of salt the size of a pyramid... For sure, I'm going to be positively knocked flat if it all works out! I sure hope he's for real, but even if he's not, the kids and I are going to have a blast! I've got enough in the bank to cover a contingency plan if it happens that it doesn't work out and I decide to keep myself and the kids in a hotel the whole time. I won't accept the least bit of pressure, especially not with my kids with me... though I feel sure I'm actually safer with them than without them, just like when we met you and the rest of the family in Rome last month, I noticed that a woman travelling with her children receives far more respect than a woman travelling solo... and I believe this is even more true in a middle eastern country than in Italy. So, anyway, we're excited, to say the least! Sorry it took so long to write. I wasn't lost, just busy all over the net trying to learn very quickly as much about Egypt as possible. I love you both and send you millions of hugs and kisses and more email to follow soon ;^****)))) P.S. I'll call before we leave. I thought I might call tonight but it's late and I still have one more email to write (yes, I'm sure you can guess to who!) ;^)

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Ep. 1, Joyride To Egypt: My First Cup Of Tea In The Oasis

My last glimpse of reality was three days prior, July 27, 1999, at 3 a.m.

I had been soaking in my hot tub on the patio of my condo, trying to soothe my jumpy nerves.

Now I sat reflecting on that lovely moment of 3 a.m. bliss. It was summer, the night was a cozy dark blanket between me and the rest of the world. My kids were asleep, our bags were packed and stuffed in the car. We were ready for our 5 a.m. exodus from reality.

My children thought we were going to see the pyramids.

I was soaking in my hot tub as a kind of ritual cleansing. I wanted to wash my old life off and start my new life fresh and clean. My whole family thought I was crazy. One of my brothers had tried had to dissuade me, even threatening to tear up my travel documents to “protect” me and my kids. My mom was so upset that at the last minute she refused to let me park my car at her house and would not give us a ride to Newark International Airport as we had earlier planned. I was already a nervous wreck, and this new thought of paying for half a month of parking at an airport added another heavy burden in my baggage.

I leaned back in the hot water, eyes closed, and played “on the one hand” and “on the other hand” one more time. The result was always the same, always exciting to the point of shivering, even in a bubbling hot tub. Maybe I was crazy, but I knew I was going to do it.

I was going to Egypt to marry a man I met on the internet.

I had never laid eyes on him, and it was all arranged. Within 24 hours of our first meeting, I would be his wife. Signed, sealed and delivered.

I was flushing the past 20 years of awful marriage to a mean drunk, a miserable divorce and a year of therapy while conquering a condo. I was ready for something exciting. Damn the torpedos – Full Speed Ahead!

On the one hand, some people get married after a night on the town. I, on the other hand, had lots of photos and phone conversations, and a 3 inch binder stuffed with email printouts. What more does a woman need after 50 days on the internet?

Now, here I was, sitting in a dark room somewhere in the middle of the Nile Delta. The room was long and narrow, with only the light of day illuminating the entrance. An old wooden bench supported me as I sat, peering into the dark as my two young children explored the depths of the room. Peeking through the open door at the far end, they cried delightedly upon discovering another room with chickens running around inside. I went to look. Light streamed in haphazardly from a thick grapevine arbor above. The floor was dirt, the walls were mud brick. My children had huge smiles on their faces, chasing the multi-coloured chickens between little woven wooden crates and other miscellaneous debris. They laughed and the chickens cackled. I rolled my eyes, grinned, and returned to my perch in the cool darkened room.

A man suddenly entered from outside and I pretended not to notice. I had glanced that way when the light had been blocked but turned away nonchalantly. Reviewing the photo in my mind, I thought he looked similar to my new husband, but I knew right away it wasn’t him.

Happily, my husband prefers western style business suits. In my new apartment in the city, I found his closet full of wonderful suits, shirts and ties. This man, however, was wearing a long, white night gown.

My kids were just past the nursery rhyme stage and “Wee Willy Winkee” ran through my head. I bit my lip to keep from laughing out loud.

His back to me the whole time, the man silently struck a match, lit a fire on a strange small box-shaped metal grill, and adjusted a valve on a small torpedo-shaped metal cylinder. The flame was extremely high and hissing loudly. I was peeking from the corner of my eye and growing alarmed.

From a dusty small cabinet on the wall he took down a small orange box, a dusty glass cup and an old, dented brass vase with a long metal handle. Still without a word, he stepped outside and returned momentarily with the cup sparkling clean and the small brass vase full of water. I realized then that the vase was in fact a kind of tea pot. He carefully measured black powder from the orange box into the brass tea pot. It hissed and sizzled when he immersed it into the flames, setting it on the grill. Then he left the room without a word or a glance.

My husband had gone off earlier to talk with construction workers. He was preparing to remodel the 2nd floor, above me, to be our new home in the country. When he had left me and the kids in this narrow old dark room I had felt sure no one had lived there for ages. It occured to me now that I must be wrong. What were the chickens doing back there, after all? And the tea in the cabinet? I peered again into the dark, trying to understand my surroundings, ignoring the man when I heard him return again.

The scent of freshly picked mint filled the room, and I heard the hissing stop. The tinkling of a spoon in the glass cup caught my ear and I turned to see the man stirring sugar into the cup. He had poured hot tea over the mint and it swirled in the wake of the spoon.

He handed me the cup without looking me in the eye, and silently left the room.

I sat alone again in the dark, cupping my tea while sitting on an old wooden bench. My back against an ancient dusty wall. Pink sweater, white skirt, children playing with chickens. I sipped my tea and wondered how much further from recognizable reality this journey would take me.



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